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Steps to Overcome Social Anxiety

January 11, 2016 By stiruppurpose 1 Comment

Steps to Overcome Social Anxiety

Shyness

Social Anxiety is a topic that, I believe, already has many how-to articles written all over the internet but ironically we still find many people struggling with this emotion. Yes, I would like to label it as an emotion because it is based on fear; the underlying emotion is fear. It is also a state anyone can momentarily fall into unconsciously; my article is targeted at those who are consciously in this state because they are aware of this state both at the conscious and unconscious levels.

I would like to refer to a quote by Joseph Campbell – “The Cave You Fear to Enter Holds the Treasure You Seek“. Yes, the cave we fear to enter holds the treasure we seek. Inability to express an idea or concept due to that self-nagging doubt could hold the treasure to that elusive breakthrough in life.

Do I have any right to talk about shyness or social anxiety; of course I believe I have all the right because I have lived with this emotion for all my life that is up until just over 2 years ago. I am now in my fifties so you have an idea of my age and understand that I do have an authority to talk about this issue.

My wakeup call came in December 2013 when my 9 year old daughter informed me that she would like to have a public birthday party for her upcoming 10th birthday anniversary come January 2014.

Well one might say what is the big deal, yes on the surface, it looks like there is no big deal but not when up until that moment all prior birthday celebrations were held with Mummy, Daddy and daughter in attendance…just the three of us and no one else.

Just to give a little bit of background information here, I immigrated to Canada in 2005, so all this period, from 2005 to 2013 living in a foreign land all to ourselves with no real need to make new friends in the face of trying to establish oneself in a new country. Without my awareness that keeping to myself was the ingredient or catalyst that was required to further reinforce my natural shy nature. Then the day came when my daughter, she is an outgoing type, said she would like to invite about 20 kids to her 10th birthday party come January 2014. Can you believe that on hearing this all hell broke loose in Daddy’s mind!

The thought of having to interact and make small talk and mingle with 20 parents suddenly flashed through my mind and I developed a fear that I have never felt before in my whole life! In retrospect, I have soon come to realize that not mixing with other people whilst trying to adjust in a foreign land had aggravated this self-conscious nature of mine.

When I imagined what I would have to do as a parent on that day released an intense fear in my soul; my heart raced, my palm became wet and I felt sick. I do not expect everyone to relate to this challenge but those who have this reserved nature or have overcome this issue might relate to it.

Though, I knew that I am a quiet and introspective guy but it never crossed my mind on how deep-seated this natural nature had grown and I had always believed that this was how I was created and have to live with it. Meanwhile, I did not tell my daughter what I was going through, neither did I tell my wife but informed my daughter that I would think about her request.

That night was the most traumatic night for me; I was thinking of the best way I could tell my daughter that she cannot invite her friends but felt torn apart about this and that was my wake-up call. I told myself that I had to face this issue head-on without hurting my daughter’s feelings.

The next day, I did a frantic search on the internet on how best to overcome this issue; I don’t know how but I ended up narrowing my findings to two possibilities – joining the Toastmasters Club and taking the Dale Carnegie Course.

Stepping Out

The very first Toastmaster I visited was the beginning of my transformation, watching speaker after speaker take up the stage stirred up something within me and I knew at the depth of my soul that this condition was not a permanent one but was just a state that I had allowed to take root in my subconscious mind.

Fast forward Feb 2014, I had joined a Toastmasters Club and began the Dale Carnegie Course. On Feb 23, 2014 we had my daughter’s birthday party with about 20 kids in attendance. Wow, what a joy to host all those kids and have a heartwarming dialogue with their parents….priceless!

PS. We had my daughter’s 12th Birthday party on Saturday, Jan 16, 2016 with 20 kids in attendance. This time around there was no hesitation of any kind and we had such a great time.

Updated – September 2020: YouTube Video on Overcoming Social Anxiety

I sometimes ask myself if I had any regrets for not been an extrovert or holding on to this limiting belief for such a long time but I have come to realize that I have no regrets at all. I love my life and I have found that I enjoy the quiet moments with myself and this has given me the opportunity all these years to have a clear understanding of how success works through continuous study.

Now filled with this knowledge and I have the desire to download and share these concepts with the world so that I can take in more. I see this as my own experience and evolution on this side of eternity.

It is also a joy now to be able to switch between playing the role of an extrovert and an introvert whenever I choose to; I have the power within me to do this.

Having read this far, I believe you desire to overcome this issue or would like to help someone. I would like to congratulate you for acknowledging this need.

The first step to victory is desire. Desire is that part of us that is seeking fuller expression in the outer world; this yearning with a strong WHY is the key ingredient to victory; having a clear WHY will fan the desire and keep it alive. Now let me share further ideas that would accelerate victory over social anxiety. The following are steps that I use; the ideas have been refined from continuous study and greater awareness.

Acknowledgement

Acknowledge that you have this natural nature and embrace it. This is critical, accept who you are and be proud of yourself. This acceptance does not stem from a point of weakness but from an understanding that you are uniquely created and within you are ideas and concepts seeking expression in the outer-world

Imagination

Next step is to use your imagination. Do that which you fear using your imagination. For some people this might seem difficult because this is where the monster lives….I remember the very thought of hosting my daughter’s birthday gave me the fright but as Joseph Campbell said; The Cave You Fear to Enter Holds the Treasure You Seek.

The trick here is to have a strong why; let this why sink down into your mind then begin to imagine that desire. Do this with all the sensory feeling. For example, hear the voices, feel the touch etc., do this until you get a sense of relief and then let it go. An internal shift is set in motion and if done continuously it is expressed through the physical body. You might notice people saying something like, you look different or they seem to be getting a different type of vibe from you.

Look for Opportunities

The next step is to look for opportunity to practice, for me this was through joining a local Toastmasters Club and also taking the Dale Carnegie Course. I highly recommended the Dale Carnegie course, this course creates the emotional impact that moves anyone who actively participates in the Course to a higher level of Self-Confidence.

Celebrate Your Victory Over Social Anxiety

Celebrate Your Victory Over Social Anxiety

Celebrate each victory, no matter how small they may seem. Develop that observer self and notice those positive shifts such as stepping forward to ask questions which might be a struggle in the past…celebrate by saying well done to yourself.

To your Infinite Success!
Ade

P.S. Want support in living a fuller and richer life?

In between my coaching and speaking schedule, I carve out a few strategy sessions each month. If you would like a complimentary strategy session (Value = $250), simply Email Me or Book an Appointment

Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: Fear, Social Anxiety

Steps To Have The Best Year

December 28, 2015 By stiruppurpose Leave a Comment

Introduction – A Little About How and Why this Blog Started

“This would be my first official blog post, the article was originally posted on Facebook on December 28, 2015; that was just after I began the journey of sharing my thoughts with a wider audience. About 3 years ago, in early 2013, after I had long achieved a dream I had set out for myself, I began to have this discontent in me that I had set my dream way too low and when I began to search for answers (internally) an impression came upon me that said: “Go back to the basics“. I did not understand the meaning until sometime in late September 2014 after we moved to our new house, and I was unpacking some boxes that I had not opened since I moved to Canada in 2005. We did not have enough space in our former place.

As I opened one box after the other, I came across my collection of personal development books and audios that I had not read or listened to in 9 years. As I picked each book and looked at the title and glanced through the content an intuitive feeling came upon that said this is the “Going back to the basics“. You see, I have been an avid Personal Development student for over 30 years after an experience I had during my University days. I would be sharing this experience in a later article.

After we moved to Canada and due to the challenges of settling in a new country I lost touch with my Personal Development Studies. When I perused those books, I had studied in the past, it dawned on me that I had to get back to studying and not only that, it was also impressed upon me that I need to share those ideas with a wider audience.

I did not mind the idea of getting back to studying on my own, but the part that I need to share these concepts with a wider audience did not sit down well with me because I am a loner and a highly independent guy. But the impression became stronger that I need to break out of this label and begin to share ideas with a wider audience.

Honestly, this is the least thing I would love to do, but I do trust my intuition and have slowly stepped out, and this was the first article that I felt led to share with the world posted via Facebook on December 2015.

I did not know much about blogging until Jordan Flynn on Facebook whom I had shared another article posted on Twitter about Shyness asked me if I have a blog and I said no, this prompted me to research what blogging was all about and here I am with my first blog using WordPress.

As I was posting this blog I realized that I am living the principle I shared in this article about Expectation. I practice what I share, ideas will come to us once we begin to live a life based on eternal principles and for me the idea came from Jordan, and I immediately explored and implemented it which therefore moves me in the direction of my higher Dreams.

Dear reader, I hope you will find some ideas on this website that will ignite the Infinite Possibilities locked within you that is waiting to emerge for the world to see!

Enjoy!

How To Have The Best Year in 2016

As we begin preparation for the crossover into the year 2016, I would like to share some ideas on how to achieve the best ever year in 2016. I’ll be using the passage in 1 Kings 18:41-19. Here, Elijah Prayed for Rain after the drought. There are three main characters in this passage viz. Elijah, Ahab and the servant. I invite you to assume all these characters are within you, and the drama is taking place within and not outside of self as we explore the deeper insights of this passage as follows:

Set Your Intention

Have a clear idea of what you really want in 2016 in the four core domain areas i.e. Health, Relationship, Time and Money Freedom, and Vocation. For those who do not have clarity on what they want. I would suggest listening to your longings (what you want more of) and discontent (what you want less of). This is the deeper part of you seeking an expression in the outer world. When you have a clear and definite idea of what you want, you must then send your Ahab on an errand.

Ahab is that voice within that whispers that what you are seeking is impossible or not achievable. Once there is a clear intention which is deeply felt you will know that Ahab has been sent on an errand. Any trace of doubt means Ahab is still around; continue to work on this until you have achieved a definite clarity on your intention for 2016 before moving on to step 2 – Attention.

Attention

In this step, you need to now focus your attention on this WANT to the exclusion of any conflicting concepts or ideas.

This can be quite challenging as depicted in the earlier Bible passage, “Elijah climbed to the top of Mount Carmel …” Let’s try to break this down on this level; say for example your want is in the area of time and money freedom and you would like to triple your income for example from $33K to $100K/annum. You have to focus your attention on the want, $100K, to the exclusion of the current $33K. On this level $100K would look like a mountain, but you need to climb this mountain in your mind’s eye.

You achieve this by coming from it, what does this mean. It means you begin to see yourself already earning this income level. You put this new concept on as you put on a new garment. If it fits then, you have climbed Mount Camel but if it does not fit. You continue the process until it feels natural. The next thing is to keep on wearing this new garment (concept) in the face of what your current reality dictates.

You can relate this to the passage “Elijah bowed low to the ground and prayed with his face between his knees.” The garment (the $100K idea) might feel unachievable or uncomfortable. You need to hold on and be faithful to this new idea day in day out. When you brush your teeth you behave as someone already earning $100K, when you are at your current job you show up at work as someone already earning $100K, you get the drift! The next step is expectation.

Expectation

You complete the cycle with expectation; this is where your servant comes in as indicated in the bible passage “Then he said to his servant, “Go and look out toward the sea.” You have set your Intention (you WANT rain i.e. $100K), you have set your Attention (climbed Mount Carmel; live as someone already earning $100K in your mind’s eye). And now what else do you want but the physical rain in this land of time and space which is accelerated by your expectation. Here you begin to use your higher internal faculties in conjunction with your five senses.

Begin to develop your intuitive higher faculty, pay attention; you might see an advertisement for a job that you had not noticed before and if you are moved to apply; do it right away. You might overhear some people talk about a business opportunity and if you are moved to pursue such opportunity, do it immediately. As the saying goes “Inspiration without action is just mere entertainment”. You need to be sensitive to your environment, and act accordingly has led by the Spirit of God.

This is where some people miss it, and the secret to victory is revealed in the passage…. “Seven times Elijah told him to go and look” we are told Elijah sent is servant seven times to go and look. Do you just put on the new garment of $100K for seven times? No, the number seven is perfection or completion! You continue to wear this idea day in day out until the result is seen on the physical plane. If this process is followed faithfully, just as harvest follows seed time, your faithfulness to the desire or want will surely bring it to physical manifestation.

Remember the law of gestation; it takes nine months for a child to be born; the want or desire has its own gestation period as well. Your obligation is to stay FAITHFUL to this desire, and the Father that knows how to bring it to pass will move on your behalf because this is what pleases HIM. If required, the whole vast world will be moved to bring your desire to fruition.

Celebrate Your Success

Now is the time to celebrate. You can relax and Ahab can show up as Elijah said “Then Elijah shouted, “Hurry to Ahab and tell him, ‘Climb into your chariot and go back home. If you don’t hurry, the rain will stop you!’” It doesn’t matter now because it’s too late for your doubt to do anything. No power in the world can stop what you have birthed through the aid of the Father for “soon the sky was black with clouds. A heavy wind brought a terrific rainstorm”. Remember the statement of Isaac to Esau when he came back from the hunt. “Who was he then that hunted game and brought it to me so that I ate of all of it before you came, and blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed.”

Celebrate Your Victory
Time to Celebrate Your Success!

Know for sure once the Father has appended the seal of blessing. No power in the world can stop it “Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.” Hab. 2 v 3.

I wish you all the best in 2016. And if you need some motivation to help stay the course. I invite you to check out the foremost American personal growth expert Bob Proctor here – Book Club or Free Video

To your Infinite Success!
Ade

Filed Under: Featured

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